5 Reasons I waited for my husband, why you should too.

I can only speak to what an impact this sweet promise we made to God before we met has meant to us, to our marriage, and to our unfailing love. Harrison and I are going on 12 years together. Our prayer is that this helps someone struggling with this decision in their own life or in the lives of their teenagers, students, or youth groups.


1. It is extremely hard.


I can promise you, waiting will NOT make you popular (Matthew 10:22). I struggled with being bullied throughout high school and college for being abstinent. But for any tears shed, I promise you it has been worth it. Literally - my friends used to introduce me to their friends throughout high school and college as "this is Carlee, she's a virgin". Not, this is Carlee, she plays volleyball... or she's a sophomore... I was Carlee, the virgin.


Some of the bullying I still haven't been able to give to God, and I still resent some of those girls & boys for their cruel words they said about me behind my back (and to my face) in high school.


College was harder for Harrison, his fraternity REALLY didn't take kindly to our decision to wait.


2. What gave me strength?


Everyone has heard many different reasons from parents/pastors/authors on why to wait to have sex until you're married. I want to share what the reasons that stuck with me and gave me strength to wait for whoever my Father was preparing for me.


Comparison

I never wanted to compare how another man made me feel, or to be able to think my husband was incompetent in any way. I didn't want to ever be intimate with my husband and think "I wish he would do "this" like {insert name here}. " Or "that didn't feel as good as this did." I never wanted to be just another girl. I didn't want my husband to have to know, that another man was intimate with me. With the lack of comparison - it also improves our relationship and bond with each other. There is no one in the world that has made me feel what Harrison has. We are the absolute best we've ever had, no comparisons, every time.


{Graphic} Religious

Marriage is a covenant, and that, like the covenants God made with the patriarchs of Israel, it is “sealed in blood.” When you have sex, a females hymen is stretched, causing it to bleed. Your sexual union is a blood covenant between you, your partner and God. This illustration given to vulnerable, teenage Carlee was extremely powerful. I felt that I had something to illustrate my commitment and love with the spouse God chose for me and this gave me strength to wait. It was the only thing I thought at that time, I could give to God.

| The hymen can break in other ways than sex - trauma, tampons, or other cases where the hymen is stretched outside of sex that the "covenant" idea becomes difficult for some to be valid. There is also no direct scripture that confirms this thought. To me, it wasn't the actual blood covenant, but the illustration that this idea provides as a commitment to God to remain faithful to our marriage held enough importance to me to wait.


Fear

Many peers were having sex when I was in high school. Almost 100% mentioned that it hurt when they had sex the first time, and it wasn't even enjoyable. Most of the time, it was so awkward afterwards that they broke up if they were dating. I didn't like the idea thinking that I would give something so precious to someone who I wouldn't be with forever, AND that it wasn't even enjoyable! Those are the two reasons I think anyone can agree, for why you DO have sex! Love and/or Pleasure!

My mom assured me that when I found the right man, the man my family had been praying for, he would take such tender care of me, that he would never hurt me. This proved to be truthful.


I spoke with a gynecologist who told me that there is SO much they still don't know about HPV, but that 80% of woman will have an HPV infection in their lifetime. HPV infections if untreated can lead to cervical cancer. Your chances of getting HPV when having sex with someone who has had multiple sexual partners are extremely high (more than 95%). Knowing many friends who had to get procedures to get the precancerous cells removed, and unfortunately some that didn't and are now fighting cervical cancer, scared the daylights out of me! I knew the only 100% way to stay protected, was to not have sex. I was also allergic to the Gardasil shot, which was just becoming a big push for young adults to help prevent HPV. Clearly there are MANY other sexually transmitted diseases. The more you learn about them - the more careful you will be become!


3. Be Faithful.


I remember vividly as a child (around 7 years old), being too afraid to be in my own room in the dark and my mom having to stay with me until I fell asleep. One night - in attempt to help me find a way to fall asleep on my own, she asked me to pray until I was able to fall asleep - first it would occupy my mind so I couldn't think of scary things... but also productive to speak with my Father! I prayed for my sisters, prayed for my parents, prayed for my friends, prayed for my dogs, but most importantly I prayed for my husband. I have prayed everyday since then - for my husband - a man I didn't know, but the Lord did. First - naturally I prayed he would be handsome (thank you Lord for answering that prayer). As I got older, my prayers got more specific for the man that would be my husband. I prayed he would be able to resist temptation. He would be able to wait for me. I prayed he was speaking to God every day. I prayed for his family.


I also prayed often for God to show me a glimpse of his face, that way I would know my husband the moment I met him.

The Lord answered my prayers. I was praying for my husband, when his family found out his sister had a brain tumor. When she was going through surgery. When he needed prayers, he had them, from his wife. The Lord gave him strength when he was faced with a question of whether he should have sex with his serious high school girlfriend. Harrison waited. He waited for me. And I waited for him.


And the moment I met Harrison - I knew.


4. Getting Complacent


In any relationship, you will go through different stages. You will vary with who loves who more, times when you are head over heels in love, times when all you can think about is the other person and what you can do for them and times when you need to just be. A great teacher once talked about this concept of liking the "sex" about someone. When you start a relationship with sex... it's really easy to like them. You love having sex with them, it feels good, you feel in sync. But with any relationship... as time progresses, the sex will start to slow down. When the sex starts to slow... you start to actually spend time with them. You might realize they aren't who/what you thought, you have nothing in common, and you really don't know that much about them. You didn't really like them... you liked the sex. Now the sex is gone - so is your attraction to them.


When you get to know who someone first - the sex is different. I spent many years with Harrison getting to know him - getting angry with each other, sharing our dreams, our struggles, our aches and pains, fights and difficult times. We didn't have make-up sex to get over fights, we had to work through our forgiveness. I knew almost everything there was to know about Harrison and I loved him fully for WHO he was, not how he was in bed, or how he made me feel physically. If the sex eventually fades in our marriage as we age, or if health takes that away from us. I know I will enjoy every moment with him - talking with him, spending time with him, learning from him.


5. Worth the wait


As I aged, almost all of my girlfriends prepped me (often) about what to expect from sex. They told horror stories of sex gone wrong, funny things that happened during sex, and what worked for them and what didn't. Many of them struggled finding pleasure with their partners. They had to resort to sex toys or other stimulation to be able to orgasm. In magazines, I had read it is much harder for women to orgasm than for men and not to expect it every time you have sex.


This has never been the case with Harrison and I. Every time, now for years, it is perfect. For both of us. Every. Time. I believe that God was faithful to us and we were made perfectly for each other. I believe that God blesses the gift of sex between us. Our relationship wasn't built on sex. It was built on who we are, more importantly who we are in Christ. I know Harrison's heart. He knows mine. I can't compare Harrison to anyone else, and I don't have to worry Harrison is comparing me to someone else either.


I am proud to be able to one day tell my children, that we waited for each other. That even when it was hard, and all our friends and society said it was normal and okay to be having sex, even when we knew we were in love... we waited... and they can too.


Note: This post is not meant to make anyone feel bad for not waiting to have sex until they were married. This commitment is one you can make at any stage of your life. Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead for my sins and your sins, and I believe He will bless each of your marriages, as children of His, regardless of your pre-marital sexual status. I'd love to talk to anyone about how you can become a child of God. Please reach out to me if you have questions!

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